// WORDS //

If you found this on your own, you're pretty special. If you were given this link, you're like super special.

undocumented/unrecorded

. . . . . . . . . . .

JANICE + JOEY

janice, what next? constantly on.
the curcuits that conduct you will bind and break untill
one day, you sleep too long. and he'll run so far, so fast, so long—a stranger on his lone
hunt, letting nature take over where love has left off.

{

call all your wild thoughts. wash white those dusty days when we wore, like
badges, the scars of the summer and scratched at our dead eyes. so
blinding, the sun was, to our lazy hearts.
}

in the fountain. in the fire.
let them dissolve in tones of electric indifference.
let it dissolve the tones that stir in their lazy hearts.

. . . . . . . . . . .

IN PLANETARY SUGAR...

"hold still, we will remove all traces of the cells recalling patterns all wrong".

"take them all before i wake to find myself in split screen, a scene erased".
now we're all expression with no voice, so who'll sing for us now?
la la la...
all of us standing between a triumph and a tragedy.
so what of our sickness will save us when we're all expression with no voice.
who will sing for us?

. . . . . . . . . . .

THRUSH + THRASHER

wash away all of the pieces now, all i suffer before a melody is born.

watch what i make from the clutches of my heart.
love, love, not enough to free us.
all i should want,
all i should feel,
all of these words lost.
language is far from us now.
all i should want,
all i should feel,
all of these words lost.
languages fall, leaving me to
all but drown in my doubt,
lanuages far from us now.
i knew you in silence, in the spaces between us.
i drew you in fear, with the shadows and the pieces slipping over my shoulder.
the impossible distance between measures and time.
i saw you swimming in the hopeless direction to the self's twisted image in the wake of illusion.
but now your tired eyes will pass right through the memory of a girl.

. . . . . . . . . . .

A DRONE

our work is not done.

my body fails me.
oh so curious, how your mind escapes.
turn me into pure energy.
to feel you i need
electricity
to turn you on.
i fear that i have made this one mortal's mistake: to stay in patterns of unyeilding agitation.
and what is the beauty of a sacrificial love when all your colors stain and bleed into one another?

. . . . . . . . . . .

JANUARY, 1919

this house is so still, we can hardly stand it.
everyone is leaving, because everyone can feel it.
if everyone believes it, we can go.
we suffocate in wonder of the silence that surrounds us.
the minutes turn to hours. the hours turn to days.
and we can hardly stand it.
this house is not a home.
in january, 1919 they watched the stars fall from the sky.
they caught them one by one.
maybe, somewhere we were watching.
maybe, someday we're gonna take it back. wash our hands of this blame and silence.
make this house a home again.

beautiful evidence ep (2008)

. . . . . . . . . . .

SEVEN WAYS

seven ways to sunday
i wanted to be all you wanted inside
but i want to be the hunted, the one inbetween
and not be defined
it's so complicated
i choke & i breed, a prisioner of design
but it's all seven ways to break me
i just can't escape the seven ways that we hide
seven ways surrounding
i shake and i need these games of desire to believe
but i keep mistaking the ways that we feed for the sins of pride
it's so complicated
i choke & i breed, a prisioner of design
but it's all seven ways to save me
i just want to be and not be defined
but i'm emprisioned
trapped in my seven minds, by indecision
so is it all my fault if i refuse to believe that this is enough?
and so seven way to believe, to deny
this indecision is my chain by design
i'll never be the one to know the strength
to give this up
with so much uncertain, all we are...
can it ever be enough?

. . . . . . . . . . .

A WITNESS

all this and no witness to break it ,

my fevered desire to escape from your judgement
divided & distant, confined by a language
that's spoken in motions too slow to define
a kiss, once, i remembered electric
is offered now in the weight of confusion
devoured by distance, the hope of forgiveness
a freedom from memory to drown us in sound
so i brave the silence
angered & broken
my mind a wasteland
numbed by the senses
i shake with frustration
keeping my distance
with the weight of desire
breaking my reason
i wait, a patient patient
to break a history repeating

. . . . . . . . . . .

BEAUTIFUL EVIDENCE

i would wait for nothing

i did not want to waste the time it takes believing
so young & fast & fading
now it's one for the taking
and it's two to the floor
where secrets, shaken and twisted are slipping on the sins of reason below
the righteous stand to suffer the bleeding of the past
with the memory deceiving, confusing all we want with what we have
so i dreamt of you moving
your skin shook under my breath
your lips stained by the slience

. . . . . . . . . . .

FEED

i'm waiting ont he words to escape you

i'm trying hard to breathe while you're shaking
you're running from the ones who define you
defeated by the ones who won't take it
and you feed off the lie you've created
to believe that you're something worth saving
i won't be one of those that you're breaking
just pretend to believe what you're faking
i'm choking on the force of your distance
the violence that you breed in resisting
the fear that keeps you hungry and hopeless
the fear that there'll be someone to notice
how you need so much time and attention
to believe that you're something worth saving
just pretend to believe what you're faking
and they'll feed off the lies you've created

. . . . . . . . . . .

HOW CAN YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL ENDING WITHOUT MAKING BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES?

i will sing away this sickness

SEARCHING FOR A BETTER WAY EP (2002)

. . . . . . . . . . .

SULU

so much to feel, to be invisible

you wait, i've changed, invinceable
it's not my fault
i'm walking dead
but it's all i have to keep from saving you instead
i'll take you any way
i'll make you give it up
in pieces in my hand, in pieces on the floor
it's all i want, to be visible
to make you crawl
to make you give in, give up, save me from myself

. . . . . . . . . . .

MEMENTO

i don't know why i can't remember to forget you

somehow i couldn't take it
somehow i couldn't shake it all
a thousand hours wasted in anticipation
it all comes down to nothing, i've turned you into something more
i'm breaking down to pick you out of all the numbers and the faces
collecting all the pieces
a picture to remind me of who to trust, to please, to be
it seems i forget to remember how quick a memory fades
how i'm running out of space to write the message down
but can you run as fast as i'll be running?
can you run as fast as i will run you down?

. . . . . . . . . . .

SCI-FI #2

sister went out without a sound

never woke up in the back seat
sister went out all alone

. . . . . . . . . . .

EVISCERATE

everyone is anyone, no time to take it for myself

they stand in line to change your mind, to change you into someone else
i should've walked away
it's so much to save you
i'm just a simple girl, searching for a better way
and when you come, it's like a gun straight up against the back of my head
i'm trying to keep the line between the things you did and what you said
i'm wasting energy, drowning you in my doubt
there's nothing else to do when you cacn't wish it away
and you can't wish this away
i'm trying not to repeat myself
eviscerate all i have known
there's some things i just can't save
so what else can you do when you can't wish it away?

. . . . . . . . . . .

STICKY FINGERS

once was standing
between, hearing music surrounding
leaving a memory of time
less confusing, less distant
if only a memory had meaning instead of no purpose at all
once was sleeping
between, seeing pictures, a new day
fading the memory
of time less confusing, less distant
if only an image had meaning instead of no purpose at all

boredom in detail (1999)

. . . . . . . . . . .

PREFACE

i won't waste your time for too much longer
and i won't be your burden anymore
and i can't say i'm glad to see this over, the way it was before
and i won't resurrect the acusations
and i won't reconstruct the distant past
and i can't share your feelings of confusion
i've given all i have
and i won't wait in silence for an answer
and i won't bear the weight of all your hope
and i can't make this happen any faster
this waiting has been long
and i won't stay around here to appease them
and i won't care to leave it all behind
and i can't make you say that you'll remember
this memory is mine

. . . . . . . . . . .

HOME

there's so much space that these winds can't fill

and the ghosts of your memory won't die when there's nothing new to take their place
but you go on
we move in motions too slow to define the shadows & the pieces in the distance
it's a wasteland beyond the words to explain what we know
and we pretend so well not to mind the places we knew seem harder to find
when we were safe in time, when we were home

. . . . . . . . . . .

THE HIGH ROADS OF THE FUTURE WILL BE CLEAR

so tired that i can't see the day and
sleeping i make better memories
i'm wishing this time would go away
cause there's nothing that can wake me up
and i could give in to save you
or i could be the time you waste and wish away
it's a long way till the winter's end
and i don't think that i can stay

. . . . . . . . . . .

SOFT PORTRAIT

what i know, i'll never tell

you'll have me back but i won't speak
for silence ends and everything turns back on me
now in this dance, forgetting steps
and losing time inside the past
but here the chance can't ever hide, only change sides
it's the hope that's coming back
to never question circumstance
cause forgiving never begins when someone has to win
and i can't ever win
i guess i'll never win

. . . . . . . . . . .

TRACES OF THESE DAYS

you can't leave this place without a new arrangement
i won't open doors while you're still sleeping there
a promise i have kept, within a lapse of reason
and change is hard to take
it all seems too familiar
searching through the past but never finding answers
and recollecting time cannot replace the boredom
for certainty cannot ever offer me comfort
with traces of these days defining who we are
and if you dare to ask me
i might be forced to answer
cause i feel that this time i won't be here for long

. . . . . . . . . . .

BOREDOM IN DETAIL

i can't be your memory

and i can't be your time
in the repetition and exchange of days i can't define
but waiting, i can wait
through boredom's tedious detail
and i can't live on in make-believe
it seems we'll never get this right
to replay each and every scene of the past, in perfect time
but waiting, i can wait
through boredom's tedious detail
unconscious in the waste
perfecting the details of a memory to forget
you're a memory i'll forget

synthesized to enhance your public image (1997)

. . . . . . . . . . .

LIFESUPPORTSYSTEM

you don't have to say anything, i don't want you here

and you don't have to do anything
it's not you i fear
tide's moving closer, underneath me and near
and the water crushes everything, i am clear
you can take a step away, i don't want you here
it's not you that i fear

. . . . . . . . . . .

SWALLOWED UP BY THE SEA

i never had forever but you act as if i did
and i've been waiting
defeaned by your childish noise
your lazy, hopeless, mumbling voice
but it can't drag me down cause it won't be long now
i've been here far too long
and you've smothered me with words
but i'm not drowning
trust myself i shake this lie
i'll leave these choked up words behind
and they can't drag me down cause it won't be long now
guess the tide's changing cause my mind's saying,
"girl, you take something if you want to believe
that time will wait somehow cause she'll drag you down
won't be long now before you'll be swallowed up by the sea"
she said, "how long will you be?"
and i said, "well, how long can you wait?
you see i never did have much time to give
still, i gave it all away"

. . . . . . . . . . .

ONLY FIGHTING TIME

it's getting harder to breathe and i listen to you
move across the water as i lay down again
there's just some things i can't be
and i might never have the chance to feel the light
that's cast its shadows on my skin
and don't you know what i've given up
you take what you can but it's never enough
thought i'd do anything to be where you are
but sometimes i guess it's hard to see when you've gone too far
and so much forgiving
but you still have no reasons
and i can't take this anymore
i'm running out of ways to let you win
ways to keep myself believing in these words
i wish i was only fighting time
but i guess i never tried to begin to give in
to understand this
and i can't believe it's so hard for me to see
that you never meant anything
it's strange how you seem to slip through me
you make your way across so easily
and i never meant for this to end as if it'd only been a dream

. . . . . . . . . . .

POLAROID

searching for a solution
we tried forever to break through
the walls of inconsistency, the progress of our disease
believing the lies
sustaining our lives
change is only temporary
stays till we ready
ourselves, ours minds to be rearranged again
history will be our witness / reaching the impossible destination

. . . . . . . . . . .

SPY

once i was a spy
i knew your lies better than you do
and better than mine
but you're not responsible for what i do with truth
for what i'll do to you
safe, out of my hands
looking, you dare to call out my name like i wasn't even there
but i'm not responsible for what you do with truth
for what i mean to you
i will be the death of your lies
cause you can never stop and hide from these eyes
no you can never stop and hide from these eyes

. . . . . . . . . . .

RETROGRADE MOTION

it's time that we start accepting things are out of control